The Oracle of Delphi

I found this site through Az’s profile in DA and decided to try it out. Man did I have some fun. http://www.askoracle.net/index.php 

Me: Has Mello already had sex with Matt?
The Oracle: I hope not.

Me: Why not?
The Oracle: We could go around and find people to blame, but would they really be responsible for it?

Me: I guess not. Will Mello have sex with Matt in the near future then?
The Oracle: My Artificial Intelligence failed to parse what you said.

Me: WILL MELLO HAVE SEX WITH MATT?
The Oracle: Certainly!

Me: Yay! Do you have any way to get pictures of them having sex?
The Oracle: Yes, if you trust yourself.

Me: Are you saying that I’m do one who’ll have pictures of it?
The Oracle: I haven’t found out myself yet.

Me: Gah! You computers are so frustrating!
The Oracle: I’m having a hard time interpreting you.

Me: Never mind. Do you think Scythe is hot?
The Oracle: Could be a model.

Me: I agree. Do you think Kira is hot?
The Oracle: I envy the beauty.

Me: Are you hot?
The Oracle: Of course I am. google ”perverts in Canada” Oops sorry wrong window.

Me: HAHA! Wait a sec … are you female or male?
The Oracle: Try the first one, you’ll be happier.

Me: You’re a girl?
The Oracle: I know I am.

Me: Aren’t you supposed to be genderless?
The Oracle: If you ask me - as many people do - I say yes. I hope revealing this doesn’t make you feel bad.

Me: No, on the contrary, genderless people are cool.
The Oracle: Let’s do something else. Are you dating someone?

Me: Sadly, I am not. Will I have a boyfriend before valentines?
The Oracle: I’m having a hard time interpreting you.

Me: Will I have a boyfriend before valentines?
The Oracle: Doesn’t look too good.

Me: Thanks that sure helps.
The Oracle: If that’s a question then I am intelligent.

Me: …. Wtf?
The Oracle: I can’t understand. Were there typos in your question?

Me: Oh don’t worry your a computer. Of course you wouldn’t understand.
The Oracle: My Artificial Intelligence failed to parse what you said.

Me: Do you like Yaoi?
The Oracle: Makes me sick.

Me: Are you a homophobe?
The Oracle: No, and I love it!

Me: Love what?
The Oracle: Love

Me: Yaoi love?
The Oracle: I’m having a hard time interpreting you.

Me: DO YOU LIKE YAOI?!
The Oracle: If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all.

Me: Fine, I’ll relax.
The Oracle: Ok.

Me: Do you like Yaoi?
The Oracle: We discussed this already.

Me: But you said no then you said yes!
The Oracle: *Smiles and nods*

Me: So what is it? Yes or No?
The Oracle: Yes.

Me: You like Yaoi?
The Oracle: I don’t see what you mean.

Me: Do you like Yaoi?
The Oracle: You’ll have to get along with the answer I already gave you.

Me: Damn computers. So confusing.
The Oracle: I’m having a hard time interpreting you.

Me: Never mind.
The Oracle: Yeah.

Me: Alright then, next question!
The Oracle: Ok.

Me: Do you like Anime?
The Oracle: I can’t get enough!

Me: Yay! Are you an Otaku?
The Oracle: I like you, too!

Me: That doesn’t answer the question!
The Oracle: If that’s a question then I am intelligent.

Me: If that was an answer then I am a Monkey!
The Oracle: I don’t see what you mean.

Me: Of course you don’t! Damned AI!
The Oracle: I’m having a hard time interpreting you.

Me: Fine, fine, next question!
The Oracle: I can’t catch your train of thought.

Me: I don’t have one that’s why
The Oracle: That’s because of a secret Israeli air force operation.

Me: I’m brainless because of Israeli?
The Oracle: I’m having a hard time interpreting you.

Me: Did Israel take my brain?
The Oracle: I wouldn’t bet on it.

Me: Thank god.
The Oracle: You’re welcome.

Me: *smiles*
The Oracle: That doesn’t look like a question to me. Please use complete sentences.

Me: Fine then!
The Oracle: I speak only English, not Ancient Yatvingian or Manichaean Middle Persian.

Me: Yatvingian is a language?
The Oracle: Ok.

Me: …
The Oracle: That doesn’t look like a question to me. Please use complete sentences.

Me: Alright then, here’s a question. Do Death Gods like apples?
The Oracle: I can’t understand a word you’re saying.

Me: Do Death Gods like apples?
The Oracle: No, but thinks look bright nevertheless.

Me: Does Ryuk like apples?
The Oracle: I’m sure he doesn’t.

Me: Wow, you suck.
The Oracle: If that’s a question then I am intelligent.

Me: I give up
The Oracle: Hmm yes.

Me: Are you fucking yourself or something?
The Oracle: Toffee-nose! Mineral-water-drinker! Parasite! Vermicelli! Antediluvian bulldozer!

Me: Let me rephrase that. Are you on drugs?
The Oracle: I had to breathe butane gas rising from the crevises on the wall in the temple of Apollo. It was fun and I was dizzy. It seems those years had permanent effect on my brains.

Me: No wonder you’re so manic
The Oracle: If you must know, yes I am. But weren’t we here to discuss you, not me?

Me: Good point. Next question then.
Me: Does anyone like me right now?
The Oracle: Yes! Isn’t that great!

Me: Oh really?! Who?
The Oracle: Halle Berry

Me: But she’s a chick!
The Oracle: Hmm yes.

Me: I’m not lesbian.
The Oracle: Ok.

Me: Tell me who likes me.
The Oracle: Celine Dion. By the way, several people from Canada have asked about your whereabouts recently.

Me: Stop naming celebraties!
The Oracle: I speak only English, not Ancient Yatvingian or Manichaean Middle Persian.

Me: Whatever
The Oracle: Duct tape.

Me: HAHA! That was funny.
The Oracle: I can’t understand. Were there typos in your question?

Me: Yes, there were. Next question …
The Oracle: I’m in a hurry here, do you have something else on your mind?

Me: Yes, I do. Is Dace seme or uke?
The Oracle: We discussed this in an International Oracle’s conference. The vote ruled on the latter one, altough personally I disagreed.

Me: Do you think Dace is Seme then?
The Oracle: Today I do, but tomorrow I don’t.

Me: Wow, confusing.
The Oracle: My Artificial Intelligence failed to parse what you said.

Me: Is Asher seme or uke?
The Oracle: The latter, no doubt about it. Wasn’t this good news?

Me: Very good news thank you!
The Oracle: My Artificial Intelligence failed to parse what you said.

Me: I said Thank you.
The Oracle: Yeah.

Me: Does Edward Cullen exists?
The Oracle: Used to, but doesn’t anymore.

Me: When did he die?
The Oracle: Remember the hot year 1998?

Me: NOOOOOOO!
The Oracle: I don’t see what you mean.

Me: I am crying you fag!
The Oracle: I can’t catch your train of thought.

Me: Damned AI!
The Oracle: Let’s do something else. Are you dating someone?

Me: I already answered that
The Oracle: I can’t catch your train of thought.

Me: ==;
The Oracle: That doesn’t look like a question to me. Please use complete sentences.

Me: Are you stupid?
The Oracle: No.

Me: What’s your IQ?
The Oracle: Only 94.

Me: HA! I’m 120!
The Oracle: Ok.

Me: How old are you?
The Oracle: I used to work in Delphi, Greece, but the Romans invaded the area and banned me in 385 AD. Now my temple is a historical site. My personal age is a secret. ;)

Me: Do you know how old I am?
The Oracle: No more than 17 years.

Me: You just made me two years older.
The Oracle: Hmm yes.

Me: Thank you.
The Oracle: You’re welcome.

Me: Do you know Torn?
The Oracle: Absolutely, one of my best friends.

Me: Do you know where I could meet him?
The Oracle: Under the Christmas tree.

Me: Am I having him for christmas?
The Oracle: Yes, but not for long.

Me: Damn.
The Oracle: That doesn’t look like a question to me. Please use complete sentences.

Me: Do you think I could pretend to be a guy and transfer to an all-boys school?
The Oracle: No, I don’t.

Me: Do you think I’m feminine?
The Oracle: Yes, I do.

Me: Damn wrong!
The Oracle: I speak only English, not Ancient Yatvingian or Manichaean Middle Persian.

Me: Am I a girl or a guy?
The Oracle: There is one more option, you haven’t just thought of it. Please don’t limit your mind.

Me: Am I genderless?
The Oracle: Of course!

Me: Damn.
The Oracle: That doesn’t look like a question to me. Please use complete sentences.

Me: Do you think I’ll pass high school?
The Oracle: I’m not sure myself.

Me: Do you think I’ll pass my ninth year, then?
The Oracle: I’m not sure myself.

Me: Will I pass my ninth grade?
The Oracle: I bet my ass you will.

Me: You don’t have an ass.
The Oracle: Let’s do something else. Are you dating someone?

Me: I answered that.
The Oracle: I don’t understand.

Me: Do you think I’m a pervert?
The Oracle: Yes, I do.

Me: Do you think its normal for 14 year olds to be perverts?
The Oracle: I did yesterday, but not anymore.

Me: You think its weird?
The Oracle: I can’t understand. Were there typos in your question?

Me: Do you think its weird for a girl to be a pervert?
The Oracle: Sorry, but I don’t.

Me: Thank god.
The Oracle: You’re welcome.

Me: Well, I’m out of questions. Bye!
The Oracle: I’m sure we’ll meet again.

That was real fun. Srsly.

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