Lingering Affection

I never thought it’d make me so happy just to talk to him. Moreover, I never thought I was even ABLE to talk to him properly. I’d always flush and shout at him. I don’t remember even ever properly talking to him. I didn’t understand why it made me so happy. I was supposed to have forgotten all about him. I was supposed to have move on. I had only started to actually believe that when I saw him yesterday.

I realized that I didn’t move on after all. I realized that I still had some affection for him. Though it’s still small, maybe I regained a little hope .. or maybe I never actually gave up in the first place.

Whenever I heard from others how he was … honestly, I was interested. I wanted to deny it, dismiss it a me simply being a little over-dramatic. Life is isn’t like anime or games. There’s no way, after all this time, that it could actually happen. But still … (though I refuse to admit it in the open) I don’t really want to give up.

Yesterday, he was the same person. He still rude, conceited and (although I don’t think he’s noticed) quite clumsy with words. I had heard from a friend that he’s become an overly serious person and that he spends all his time thinking. But, he didn’t seem to be like that when I saw him yesterday. He was still .. the same?

Since the beginning, there’s always been rumors surrounding me and him. They were false, of course. But all rumors have roots … and I have yet to find it. I hadn’t realized that I was still to some ‘his girlfriend’ … the little crush I had was one-sided. That much I know. So why after all this time those rumors are still around? If life were a typical shoujo-manga, I’d actually believe that he might like me back even just a little. But, I’m not going to put my hopes up. There’s is absolutely NO WAY that he likes me.

I know that. I know it so well that it pisses me off. I may still have some affection for him but this is completely one-sided on my part. So why give me hope? Why make me believe that it can still come through?

Moreover, why do I even still like him (a little)? He think he’s so smart and mature. He’s conceited, rude and not to mention unattractive. Sure enough, I do like those kind of guys in anime … but that’s way off the point.

I’ve said too much, now. I just wanted to let that all out somewhere … so onto other news.

CLANNAD 15

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-dies- Tomoya telling Nagisa that Sunohara loves him was PRICELESS. T_T I never thought I’d get more TomoyaxSunohara slash since this *points below*. It’s even funnier that Nagisa believed him. I’ll bet Nagisa will believe every word Tomoya speaks. How naive.

Sunohara: I need Tomoya. It has to be him!

Someone shoot me. I can die happy now. Sunohara was just making it worst haha! (And even though Tomoya says that he can’t love men .. I REFUSE TO BELIEVE IT! T_T)

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I think all negative feelings I had for Nagisa has now vanished. Nagisa, you win! (Still, I think that Tomoyo and Kyou are better -nod-)

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Sunohara Youhei, heartbroken. </3

(Mei-chan is so cute ><)

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I screwed up the hair real bad. T_T I’m still not used to Photoshop so this did come out the way I wanted it to.

Scythe Adayth (c) from Dark Crimson (a story I’m writing) - art and character Saimai-Sama (me)

Took about two hours all in all.

 Shigofumi 3

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I’m starting to really like Shigofumi.

This episode focused a lot on themes like suicide and why people kill themselves.

“Have you ever thought of dying?”

I have. When I’m alone, I often wonder ‘what’d it be like after I die?’ ‘what would everyone say?’. Most of time, I don’t think of a reason I should die. There’s nothing so wrong in my life that I’d kill myself for it, but I still think about it. There’s nothing abnormal in thinking about dying.

I really like how realistic Shigofumi is.

The whole twist at the end of the episode concerning Fumika was a surprise. I didn’t expect that. I can’t wait to see the next episode (despite the obvious yuri themes ><)

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